WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT GOOD OLD SIMPLE LIFE?

A couple of weeks ago I was ruminating on my pension. It was going into an account that we had no card to access. Times have changed as you know my friends, when you could go to the bank with your little book and withdraw money. Now you need a card. If you tried to approach a teller, they would direct you to the ATM machine. Yiannis said we could just transfer it to an account where we already had a card.

ME: But why don’t we just get a card for this pension account?

HE: Ok I’ll apply for a it online.

When I heard `online’, it sent shivers down my spine as we always get ourselves in a tangle. He was at work when he set his teeth into it and kept ringing me to ask for the code the bank sent me. But each time he got stuck after a certain point and started from the beginning and the bank sent me another code which I read loudly into the phone both in Greek and English, just in case and the system went down on him and he started again and I uttered the numbers again and it crashed again until he decided to phone the bank and fix an appointment to apply for the card.

At 11 in the morning the next day, I trotted off for my appointment at the bank. It’s housed in an old neo-classical building with some jacaranda trees in front that had long shed its dazzling purple blossoms. The security door wouldn’t open and someone from inside pressed the buttons several times and I pulled and pushed and finally got in.

A very polite young lady made me sign a couple of papers which I didn’t read but just scribbled my signature in a grand flourish in several places and she handed me my card and said I was good to go but I needed to stop at the front desk to activate it. The lady there checked my details on her computer and said I could activate my card by asking it a question…That’s when my brain stopped…ASK THE CARD A QUESTION???…If she had waited for a few minutes I might have held the card in front of me and asked it a question. She saw the clouds of confusion gathering in my eyes and said…` Stick it into the ATM machine and ask the question.’…`Oh.’ I said…still rooted in some kind of bewilderment…` Never mind my colleague will help you.’

Her colleague kept flitting to and fro from her desk to the machine to help people like me, which was almost everyone, a bunch of pensioners stood in a crooked queue. The lady in front of me was a whole lot younger than us and appeared very confident. She slotted her card in and was punching away at the buttons furiously. Then she turned around and said…` The machine isn’t working.’…One senior citizen behind me hooted out loudly…` That’s because you’re asking for too much money!’ …The others along the line laughed in merriment. Then Ms Helper was alerted and she darted forward, worked some magic with her manicured fingers and the machine beeped and the green lights flashed and it was ready to comply. The woman looked at Ms Helper in awe and then turned around and whispered to me…` She’s brilliant! ‘…When my turn came Ms Brilliant whipped up the same magic and then said…` Now you have to ask the card a question.’…She switched the language to English because she didn’t think I could pull it off in Greek and then went right ahead and asked the question herself because she didn’t think I could pull it off at all.

Yiannis went to sign for his card an hour later and was all in praise of Ms Swifty Fingers. But he did tell me that there was an elderly man who appeared to have come from a village and was shouting that he would report her because she was abrasive and bossy. Then he hobbled towards the door and the door wouldn’t open and he shouted that he was being detained against his will and would call the police. Someone pressed the button and set the poor man free into the street.

My Saturday night friend said that the last time she went to the ATM machine, she struggled to get her card in. She turned around and told the man behind her that the machine wasn’t working. He had a go at it and his card slipped in. Looking on she realised that she was trying to force her card into something that resembled a slot but wasn’t.

This reminds me of my Friday evening drinking friend. She flew to Athens to attend to some bureaucratic matter that never got resolved like some sort of Kafkaesque nightmare and she decided to come home. She bought a metro ticket that would take her straight to the airport. Of course she had to buy it from a machine. With the ticket in hand, she placed it on the sensor…but nothing…those flap barriers wouldn’t open. She tried several times but in vain. She looked around for an official looking person for assistance but there was no such person, just an indifferent looking machine waiting to gobble up your money. So she went back to the machine and bought another ticket, thinking that the first one was faulty. Then with trembling fingers she displayed it to the sensor…but no luck…the barriers were tight-lipped and wouldn’t swing open their flaps.

ME: You probably pointed the ticket in the wrong direction.

This clever remark, coming from someone who couldn’t get the bank doors to open.

ME: Couldn’t you ask one of the travellers to help you?

SHE: They were all in a hurry.

My friend was desperate. The minutes were ticking by and she needed to get on the train to get to the airport on time. Before she realised it, her brain switched to survival instincts and she ran behind a passenger who was about to pass through the barrier that had flapped wide open and slipped through right behind him before those flaps shut their ugly jaws. But while she was riding the tube, her heart was thumping wildly because she was afraid that one of those many CCTV cameras may have captured her illicit act and she would be hauled off the train with reporters flashing cameras in her face and the next day her face would be splashed across the front page…PENSIONER TRIES TO GET A FREE RIDE!!!

Well my friends, that’s what happens when this faceless technology keeps galloping ahead and the likes of us struggle to keep up. At times like this, I just want a bit of that good old-fashioned stuff back…a little bit of fishing…hardly did any… in an emerald pond or even going to a Bingo hall…never been to one… with a bunch of other old ladies and hopping up and down with glee when my number comes up.

Well, that’s all for now. Louise and her parents will be visiting next week and Annie and I will be engaged in some intensive potty training to get little Missy ready for her new school. After that, Yiannis and I will put that watering hose down and go away before autumn blows in. So I’ll be taking my leave of you for quite a bit and will see you when I get back with more news.

Cheers and have an enjoyable rest of the summer!